You hear me preaching about epic love and epic partnerships all day long, and it looks great on paper, but you haven’t experienced it before so your brain still holds out a bit. You haven’t quite bought into the reality that it’s truly possible. And even more importantly, you haven’t totally bought into it being possible for you.
So let’s paint the picture of what an epic relationship actually looks like…
You’re at a restaurant with your girlfriends and the lighting from the candles on the table glows warmly. It feels so incredible to get to soak up these amazing, inspiring powerhouses. You love hearing about their successes, their families, and their adventures. After you’ve laughed for the millionth time, so hard that you’re crying, the check comes. You sign your bill and are gathering your belongings to head home when a man shows up at your table. He’s handsome, respectful, and exudes self-assuredness. He’s looking right at you.
“Excuse me ladies. Pardon the interruption.” he hasn’t taken his eyes off of you. “I don’t usually do this but since you walked in, I’ve been working up the courage to introduce myself. From the minute I saw you, I knew I had to meet you. Could I take you to dinner sometime next week?”
Your girlfriends look at each other beaming, wide-eyed, and a few excited giggles break free. You love his energy and you tell him that that sounds lovely. You give him your number.
That night he texts you, gets your availability for the next week, and asks if you’d prefer to be picked up or to meet at the restaurant. You tell him you’d love to be picked up.
He says he’ll be there at 6:00 and to wear something nice!
ONE WEEK LATER…
It’s 6:00 and you hear a knock at your door. You answer the door and you notice he too, dressed up a bit for the occasion.
“I hope you like to have a good time!” He hints and walks you to his car, opening your door for you.
On the way to your destination and you notice two things.
- How lovely it is just to be able to relax and enjoy the ride.
- How present he seems to be. He is showing genuine curiosity about who you are and what you love.
The first stop, is the arcade! He buys you both a handful of tickets and you battle zombies, and kick his butt at ski ball. The competition feels flirty and fun and when you go to grab your coat, he requests to carry it for you.
It feels so good to have a man attend to your experience like this!
Once your tickets are thoroughly spent, you head back to the car and he opens your door for you again! You could get used to this!
Then you head to an ocean side restaurant where he has requested a table by the window and you watch the sunset over the waves as you enjoy an exquisite meal. The conversation is fascinating. You swap stories of world travels. He tells you about his mission in life and asks you which passions light you up the most. He feels so powerfully present and genuinely attracted to and curious about who you are.
He asks you what you’re most excited about in life right now, and you decide to tell him the truth. Your stomach does a backflip!
“I’m really excited about calling in my king.” You say. It feels so vulnerable and scary to say it ou loud to someone you’re attracted to. You think you detect a twinkle in his eye.
“Interesting. What does that mean to you?” He asks.
“Well.” you say, “I live a full throttle life and I am wanting to create a really incredible love story with the right man. I want to be with someone who loves creating life on purpose, is spiritually woke, who is on his path, and who is looking for the woman he wants to share his life with. A man who is looking for his wife. I want to travel the world, support each other in our careers, and be spiritual growth partners for life. I want to be with a man who is excited to about being my husband and who loves the idea of building a family with me some day.”
You pause. Nervous. Afraid of the reactions you’ve gotten before. The big saucer-eyes as a man realizes you are intense. That you live a fast-paced, big-ass life and that it, and you, are way too big for him. That you’re “too much”.
But he doesn’t. His breaks out into a grin and beams at you.
“That sounds incredible. That sounds exactly like what I want to create.” He lifts his glass to toast your vision and a thrill of excitement rushes through your body. Could this man be a potential match?
At the end of the night, when he drops you off, he walks you to your doorstep.
“I want to kiss you. May I?” He asks. You nod. It’s short but his interest in you is evident by the brief but intense passion you feel through his kiss.
“What are you doing on Friday?” He asks.
“I don’t think have plans.” You reply.
“I’d like to see you again. Can I take you out?” You can’t contain your smile. Of course he can!
THREE MONTHS LATER…
Your birthday is next weekend and your man texts you asking you if you are planning on doing anything special. You’re just now realizing that you don’t really have anything in place.
“I don’t know. Maybe we can go out to a nice dinner.” You text between appointments at work.
After you wrap up your call, you find a text from him saying, “Be ready by 3:00 on Saturday and pack an overnight bag.”
WHAT?! Who is this man?!
You try to needle details from him over the next few days but he is a vault!!
When your birthday rolls around he picks you up from your house and whisks you off to the mountains. As you pull up to the AirBnB, you notice that there are several cars in the driveway. You head inside and to your astonishment and delight, your inner circle of friends is there!
He got each of them on board for the surprise, and they all made the time to come out and celebrate you!
You spend the evening eating a delicious dinner they’ve prepared and it’s a bit overwhelming how loved and seen you feel. It’s hard to believe that this whole experience was put together by a man you didn’t even believe existed 6 months ago!
After dinner, he pulls out a couple nice bottles of champagne and invites everyone to the living room to sit in a circle. As he pours the bubbly he explains that he’d love for everyone to go around and share either the story of how they met you, or one thing about you that they really love and appreciate.
As people share, you get a little choked up. It’s magical to hear the impact you’ve had on the lives of the people you love.
He’s last. He looks at you with his eyes glowing.
“I met this woman just three months ago but I can honestly say that she is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. I am so inspired by her big heart, her sharp mind, and her powerful radiance. I feel so lucky to get to have her in my life and I hope that this is the first of many many birthdays together.”
Okay. Now you’re definitely battling eye-tears!
You feel the truth of his words. You know him well enough to know that he would not say something he didn’t mean. You feel deeply seen, safe, understood, and desired. And if you’re not mistaken, this feels an awful lot like the beginnings of love!
ANOTHER THREE MONTHS LATER
You’re at a personal development conference together. You’re both big growth-junkies and since you’ve decided to be in a committed relationship with one another, you’ve daydreamed about the events you both want to go to.
The morning session is wrapping up and you’ve done a couple exercises together. You love getting to learn more about what makes this man so remarkable as well as the history that built him into who he is.
It’s the second day, the conversations continue to deepen. He shares a story about how his last partner cheated on him with one of his closest friends. It was incredibly painful for him and while he’s done a lot of work around it, infidelity is a tender point for him. He won’t put himself through anything like that again. He still experiences anger around it at times. Because of that he feels like he needs to be fully transparent with you that he is still processing the betrayal and that infidelity is a hard boundary for him. You can tell he feels a bit vulnerable sharing this story with you.
And that is when your stomach drops.
In your last serious relationship, it got bad at the end. You and your partner were doing the best you could but you were hurting yourselves and one another.
There was one night, shortly before you parted ways, that you were unfaithful.
You didn’t know what you knew now and you have worked to forgive yourself but it is still a source of pain and shame for you. At first you think, I just won’t say anything. That’s in my past. It’s not who I am and it doesn’t have anything to do with us. You know you’ll never do anything like that ever again. So you don’t really have to tell him.
And no, you don’t have to tell him. But another part of you realizes that if you don’t, that it will feel like you have chosen to keep something from him. That as time goes on, you will start to feel like it’s the one thing you can’t share. It will weigh on you and you REALLY like this relationship. It feels like it has the potential to be a lifelong journey together.
Simultaneously, you know that if you share this, he might leave. But you decide that if this man if going to be with you, you want him to be with all of you. Even the ugly parts or wounded parts.
You start to cry and he becomes concerned.
“What is it?” He asks, his brow furrowed with worry.
“There is something I want to share with you and I’m afraid of your reaction.” You say.
He goes still. Listening. Fear budding inside him as well.
And you tell him the story. You don’t make excuses but you share what happened.
“… And I know infidelity is a deal-breaker for you.” You conclude. “I know I’ll never do it again because I will never put myself in that kind of suffering ever again. But I wanted you to tell you where I’ve been so that you if you choose this, you know what you’re choosing.” You wait with your breath held tight, afraid that this amazing man might walk away from you and your relationship.
“Thank you for being so honest with me. I actually feel like I can trust you more. I cheated on my college girlfriend once and it felt horrible.” You feel the fear and tension begin to subside. “We’re both humans and we have human pasts. Whatever happened helped us get here to one another. I trust you and I love you. And what I said still stands. Infidelity is still a deal-breaker for me.”
“For me too.” You say.
And just like that, your biggest, darkest secret actually brought you even closer. You’re encouraged by not only his ability to navigate difficult conversations, but you’re own. Each time you two come across a misunderstanding, it feels like you both show up so courageously to the resolution that you feel even closer and even more in love coming out the other side.
It feels like if you two can handle shadow with this much love and grace, then you can handle anything…
Now for anyone reading this, STILL not believing that this kind of relationship is possible.
Every single one of these examples are pulled from the very real lives of my clients. I adjusted a few details to preserve anonymity but a lot of this is what my clients are experiencing with their men. Verbatim.
Now maybe these exact scenarios aren’t your speed or past, but…
Would this kind of maturity excite you?
Would this caliber or communication inspire you?
Would this flavor of connectivity feel incredible for you?
Would this quality of relationship be something you would like to have?
Then have faith, because these kinds of relationships are VERY VERY real.
And if you want one, you can have one.
So don’t settle for anything less!
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN?
I CAN HELP.
If you want an inspiring partnership, and you want 2020 to be the year that that happens, grab a spot on my calendar this week.
When you schedule your “Meet Your Man in 2020” complimentary call, you will…
– Get clear on the biggest block keeping you single when you don’t want to be
– Break free from the doubts and worries that keep you repeating old patterns (like dating the wrong guys)
– Walk away with your next, actionable steps to actually finding and attracting your man and relationship
If any of the following describe you, then this call is what you’ve been looking for 😉!!
– You are not meeting the caliber of men that excite you
– You’ve noticed a pattern of strong starts that fizzle and go cold and you’re not sure why
– You’re old pattern is dating men who were “not at your level” or who were unavailable in some way (emotionally, geographically, etc)
– You haven’t been in a serious relationship for a long time (or ever in your adult life) and don’t know where to start
I only have about 5 of these calls a week and they fill up fast. So snag yours now.