My STORY

"Everybody wants love."
He said, "But almost everybody settles for connection."

My stomach dropped out and hit the floor. It was like someone had sucker punched me.

It was early December, 2015. I was at my first Date With Destiny. Tony Robbins, a giant of a man, stood maybe 20 feet from where I sat and looked out over the crowd of three and a half thousand people, and was calling us all out. There is one place that even the most ambitious people end up settling the most.

In their relationships.

That was it. That was exactly what had been bothering me for so long.

You see, I had a very odd upbringing.

I grew up on a small island in a cooperative housing group (aka commune without the weird guru, just people buying land together and raising their kids in a tight knit community).

We had just about every family dynamic represented: multi-racial, multi-religious, multi-generational, LGBTQ, nuclear, no kids, lots of kids. You name it, and we had it. To me, a “normal” family could look a whole variety of ways. 

I happened to be an only child and I lived with my mom and dad until I was 10.

That’s when my mom died from ovarian cancer.

She had been sick off and on for years and as you can imagine, this didn’t lend itself towards a “traditional” family experience.

Losing my mom was devastating and still has a profound impact on me to this day.

It was early December, 2015. I was at my first Date With Destiny. Tony Robbins, a giant of a man, stood maybe 20 feet from where I sat and looked out over the crowd of three and a half thousand people, and was calling us all out. There is one place that even the most ambitious people end up settling the most.

In their relationships.

That was it. That was exactly what had been bothering me for so long.

You see, I had a very odd upbringing.

I grew up on a small island in a cooperative housing group (aka commune without the weird guru, just people buying land together and raising their kids in a tight knit community).

In their relationships.

That was it. That was exactly what had been bothering me for so long.

You see, I had a very odd upbring.

I grew up on a small island in a cooperative housing group (aka commune without the weird guru, just people buying land together and raising their kids in a tight knit community).

We had just about every family dynamic represented: multi-racial, multi-religious, multi-generational, LGBTQ, nuclear, no kids, lots of kids. You name it, and we had it. To me, a “normal” family could look a whole variety of ways. 

I happened to be an only child and I lived with my mom and dad until I was 10.

That’s when my mom died from ovarian cancer.

She had been sick off and on for years and as you can imagine, this didn’t lend itself towards a “traditional” family experience.

Losing my mom was devastating and still has a profound impact on me to this day.

Then, 3 years later, my dad remarried an incredible woman who helped raise me through my turbulent teen years, until they got a divorce shortly after I left home at 18 years old.

As a child of not only death AND divorce, but also an alternative community environment, I grew up without an assumed relationship model.

In fact, the more I paid attention as a young adult, the more I realized that most of the relationships I saw around me seemed to be unfulfilling and unhappy.

In high school, I remember looking around at my friend’s parents and realizing that they seemed to fall into two camps: either miserably married or miserably divorced.

"Either there has got to be a better way to do this whole relationship thing or why the hell are we doing it?" I thought.

And that's when I picked up
my first relationship theory book.

I was 16 years old.

My unusual background had instilled in me an uncanny curiosity that led me to ask unusual questions about how relationships worked and how they might be done differently. Without knowing what I was doing, I spent most of my twenties trying to “figure out relationship” with inconsistent and painful results to show for it.

I dated a man who didn’t want me to go into the grocery store with him because I was “too much.” 

 

I dated a man who treated me well and who I loved deeply, so naturally I sabotaged it by being unfaithful.

I dated a man who made me laugh more than any other person ever had, and our relationship looked amazing on paper, but I felt invisible and empty inside our partnership.

By and large, I ended up dating men who were geographically, emotionally, or legally unavailable.

And then, feeling like I could NOT get the whole partnership thing right, I decided to spend an extended period of time single to work on myself and get my own life in order.

Which I did. I built a successful business, traveled the world, curated an incredible community of friends, cultivated the best health of my life, and was living an all around badass life.

So, about 11 years after picking up that first book…

And striking out over and over with the different men I had dated, it was Tony Robbins’ comment at Date With Destiny  that would launch me on a journey that would finally answer the question that had quietly nagged at me all those years.

“How do we create really good love then?”

This simple question led me on a pilgrimage and down some very interesting rabbit holes, and I began to notice that there were predictable dynamics at play, that if understood, could be used to create the kind of intimacy, connection, attraction, and partnership that we all truly desire. And it was this pilgrimage that would inspire me to launch my company, Truly Chosen. Looking back, I could begin to connect the dots and it became clear that in many ways that I had been preparing myself for this work my entire life.

My entire love life shifted. I began to date men who treated me like I was a queen. Men who were growth-oriented, intelligent, successful, handsome, and avid globetrotters like me.

In short… They were remarkable.

I was dating the kind of men that just a year before, I hadn’t really believed existed.

It’s an art, not a science, but I had pieced together this “secret code” that not only worked for me, but was positively impacting my friends and family, and soon my clients.

Today, I am in a relationship with the most courageous man I have ever had the pleasure to love.

He is wise, kind, passionate, and brave. He inspires me to grow and is inspired by me to grow. We show up fully for our relationship, one another, and ourselves. We laugh often and freely. We love to travel, entertain our friends, and explore the wilderness together. We love to play in our garden and revel at our robust raspberry harvest as much as we like renting a luxury sports car for the weekend to zoom around in for a  weekend getaway. We navigate conflict with grace and we hold beautiful space for each others’ vulnerability and greatness. We both play life hungrily and are an amplifying force in each others’ world. We positively impact each others’ success, prosperity, happiness, and growth. It’s a relationship that ignites my soul and brings incredible meaning to my life.

The quality of relationship you want and yearn for is available to you, but you must show up courageously until you have the opportunity to create it. And choosing “good enough” is exactly the kind of choice that will prevent you from ever knowing the depth of partnership you truly want. And I beseech you, on behalf of your legendary love story, please don’t play small.

The question is, are you ready to make this happen for yourself, once and for all?

Because if you are, I've got you.

Theora is the founder of Truly Chosen, a dating and relationship consulting agency.

She’s self-fashioned the equivalent of a Ph.D. in relationship theory and practices by studying personally with and learning closely from some of the leading experts in the field – including Tony Robbins, David Deida, John Wineland, Alison A. Armstrong, Londin Angel Winters, and Justin Patrick Pierce, to name a few. She’s invested over $250k in her training alone and walks her talk both personally and professionally.

She combines a variety of modalities including neuroscience, relational psychology, the energetics of intimacy, as well as easy-to-implement, actionable practices to help her clients accelerate their trajectory towards the partner, love, and commitment they truly want with ease.

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