This is part 1 of 3 of an Online Dating Miniseries.
Originally published in July 2017.
If you’ve read my work before, you’ve noticed that I have a pretty intentional approach to online dating. I’m a firm believer that we are the architects of our experiences and the arena of dating is no exception to the rule.
In this article I will help you take back your power in online dating – if this is something you want to play with – and use it as an effective way to start getting your groove on in your own way on your own terms.
This is my break down of how and when to use digital dating so that you can have a better experience than the rest of the herd. Guaranteed!
1. GETTING BACK IN THE GAME
Putting yourself out there after a long hiatus or after a painful break up can be a daunting, tender, and difficult endeavor. Jumping into the dating game in the real world may simply feel like too much. This is where dating apps come in. First of all, most people who are online dating have learned to meter their expectations so they are not coming into it with big expectations or falsely high hopes. They’re probably hoping that this won’t suck, which is why YOU will blow them away with your magic because you’ve read my tips on how to date like a boss!! You’ll get your confidence up and they’ll have a diamond-in-the-rough dating experience with your beautiful ass self! If you are gearing up to tip your tow back in the waters of dating, online sites and apps are a great place to begin.
2. NEWS FLASH: THERE ARE A LOT OF SINGLE PEOPLE OUT THERE
If you are suffering from there-are-no-good-eggs-out-there-syndrome, dating apps can be a fabulous reminder of the sheer numbers of singles looking to mingle. If you are willing to do a lil’ ol’ autopsy on your scarcity outlook on dating and invite in a little statistics, your bogus nobody-for-me philosophy will fall flat on it’s face. If you live in a city, there are thousands if not tens of thousands (maybe even hundreds of thousands) of eligible, GOOD prospects who are the gender-identification you dig, sexuality you prefer, and who have a whole host of rad, unique traits that make them a great person to get to know and maybe even fall in love with. If you are one of those types who insists that all the good ones are somewhere else, taken, the wrong orientation, blah blah blah – I have some hard truth for you. You need help! And more than this blog article is going to provide in just 800 words. The good news is that at the end of this article I have a little gem, just for you! Check it out!
3. PRACTICE! PRACTICE! PRACTICE!
Dating, flirting, talking to strangers and enjoying yourself, showing up in all your glorious badassery, etc. are all skills! To some they come more naturally but to most they do not. So if you want to get better, you must practice. Every date you go on is an opportunity to improve your ability to put yourself out there, and truly show up as your authentic self. The more you do it with people who you are not mouthwateringly attracted to, the better you’ll be at it with the ones you ARE! Remember high school extracurriculars? You had practice or rehearsal multiple time a week to get ready for game day, opening weekend, regionals, whatever. All the dates that aren’t with Mr. or Mrs. Right are the arena where you get to prep being your yummiest self for when hello-gorgeous shows up across the table from you! Don’t squander these warm-up rounds by deciding that they are failures because there was no chemistry or you didn’t see them as forever potential. Did you share your magic? Did you bring your ten out of ten? Were you open and kind and funny and authentic? Were you boldly you?
I love dating, even in a city where a LOT of people claim that the dating culture is a passive one. It didn’t happen to me. I made it happen. And so can you. You get decide to decide how, why, and when you use digital dating. Let it be an empowering resource and settle for nothing less. You may just surprise yourself!
Now, contrary to popular practice, online dating is not the only way to meet people. For millennia humans have relied on their family and friends to help them meet one another as well as something called audacity. Yes, AUDACITY – making conversation with someone who catches your eye, building rapport, and creating the opening for a date to be discussed and possibly scheduled. Gasp! I know. It may sound a little crazy but most of us on the planet were brought into being because one person mustered up the courage to talk to another person. If you’re ready, then I am all for you giving some real world flirtation a shot!
Go get ‘em glowbugs!
If this article has sparked a curiosity in you about how you might be able to take the health of your romance into your own hands, schedule a Dare to Date Differently call with me, my gift to you! Just email.
We can explore what you’re doing now that isn’t working, come up with a new strategy that you can sink your teeth into, and if it feels right, we can explore what working together looks like. If not, that’s totally cool too! Either way you’ll walk away with a new hopeful outlook on the dating game.