Divorce is NOT just a break-up.
If you or someone you know is experiencing this, please keep reading.
It’s not just a break-up.
It’s the loss of a life and gets to be grieved as such.
It’s also the loss of friendship.
It’s the loss of family.
It’s the loss of everything that was and was going to continue to be familiar.
It’s the loss of the future you thought you were creating.
I’ve watched family and friends get divorced.
And even when it’s amicable, it’s still so crazy painful.
Because when you made vows, you meant it for forever. Even the person who is asking or wanting to leave. Yes. They too are experiencing trauma and often disassociate because there is a lot of guilt with being the one who “ruined everything”.
Divorce is the second most traumatic interpersonal experience a human can have.
Second only to the death of a child.
Let that sink in.
Just because it’s common doesn’t make it any less devastating.
And everyone gets hurt.
Both the person asking for the divorce and they person “getting left”.
If you or someone you know is getting a divorce right now give them ample space to be a mess, to be angry, to cry, to repeat the same stories over and over, to be distracted, to be sad, to be flaky, to be sensitive, to be confused, to be absent…
Reach out anyway.
Tell them what you think is amazing about them. Say it again.
Have compassion and patience for them as they grieve.
Include them in activities even if you think they might say ‘no”.
Even if they have said no in the past.
See their healed, future-self for them and help them remember that an even better life lies ahead.
It is no small thing.